There are many things we can tell ourselves during our next episode of craving sweets. One thing we don’t want to say? “It’s no big deal.” Those can be famous last words before old habits take charge and an urge becomes a compulsive eating frenzy!
You know at Beacon, we call the “F*ck Its” the National Anthem of Relapse. But there are four words that may be even more dangerous that the F*ck Its when it comes to finding permanent solution to your issues with food and weight: It’s No Big Deal.
So much of our struggle lies in what we are unwilling to see and unwilling to address. We can’t solve a problem when we are unwilling to accept that it’s happening. And to make matters worse, our brain is designed to not feel pain – it literally shuts down at the thought of it. Don’t believe me? Ask science.
Here’s the thing: when we are saying “It’s No Big Deal”, it’s almost always a big deal. Or at least a medium-sized deal. It’s just a deal that we don’t want to deal with, so we throw some self-deception on it.
Of course no-big-dealing a piece of cake or no-big-dealing not planning for your trip, or no-big-dealing at your cookie swap isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of life. But as it pertains to your overall goals and your long term solutions to your issues with food and weight, which plague many of you, it IS a big deal. When we rationalize – or as I like to call it RATIONAL LIES – we move farther and farther from our solution. And, you deserve some respite from craving sweets.
How do we step out of self-delusion and rational lies and recognize when things are a big deal – without making us rigid and full of shame? That’s, as we say at Beacon, a problem to be solved.
It’s a bit of a balancing act! Those of us who struggle with craving sweets would rather a pat answer for issues like this versus finding a sweet spot on a middle path. We don’t want a bite of cake to be a total catastrophe, because it isn’t. And not attending to what is going on with you that caused you to eat a bite of cake is a slippery slope straight to the F*ck Its, and worse than that, the demoralization that comes along with all of that self-hate and self-harm.
Your ability to solve your problems lies on your ability to know your problems and accept them. And acceptance starts with AWARENESS (aka mindfulness). This week, I challenge you to stay mindful of your self-delusion and rational lies. Listen to your thoughts. Identify when you’re falling into the “No Big Deals. Simply and gently ask yourself if it is a big deal. Ask yourself if perhaps a better and more effective solution exists for you when craving sweets. I know that it feels like a cookie will solve your problem at the cookie swap, and the long-term truth is that is usually causes more problems, thus making it a big deal.
And please remember, like everything else, getting out of your rational lies is a practice and will take time, so be gentle, stay on the path, and remember what a rockstar you are. Because you ARE. #truth