This week, I find my self thinking a lot about binge eating help, and recovery behaviors.
This got me thinking about bravery in my own process, and how opportunities to be brave keep showing up in my life.
Last Sunday, one of my BFFs invited me to a yoga class, which sounded so fun! See my bestie; get my yoga on; win-win!
As they say, “the best laid plans often go awry.” I got to the yoga studio only to find that this was not the sweet vinyasa flow I was skilled in. Oh no, buddies, this was a vigorous yoga class, with a bunch of ultra-fit yogis in a room heated to 94 degrees. Uh oh. So many insecurities and fears came up for me that I could hardly even count them: Would I die of heat exhaustion? What exactly does vigorous mean? Would people be staring at me and my unskilled awkwardness? Would I sweat so much that I would slide on my mat? Would these ultra-fit yogis be judging my not-ultra-fit body? When fears swell like this in my brain, my inner-animal-fight-or-flight switch goes on loudly. In this case, everything in me said, “RUNNNNNNNNNN!”
And, truth be told, I could have run. I could have faked a headache, or a work emergency, or an emergency call from a friend. Instead, I took a deep breath (Beacon’s top five favorite distress tolerance skill) and thought of you guys. Here I am toting integrity and risk-taking and the big beautiful life that you all deserve and I’m ready to run out of a yoga studio? Well, when you say it like that, wise mind, I guess I have to stay right here on my mat.
Which brings us to this concept that’s been helping me a ton these days – helping me to stay in integrity and be brave: staying on my mat. In this case, it’s a literal statement, and in our lives this metaphor extends everywhere. What do we do when we want to run and scream and hide and quit and then really quit? That, as we say at Beacon, is a problem to be solved, and the answer? Stay on your mat.
In transparency, that class was rigorous. It wasn’t like I made this wise mind decision to stay in the class and it was unicorns and rainbows. Far from it. It was hot and hard. The teacher had to correct me a lot of times and even bring me props to help with my flexibility. It brought up so many of the insecurities that live inside of me from my childhood – “you’re too fat to do this,” “you’re not good or cool enough” – all the way to my fear of being humiliated by people making fun of me. I wanted to scream when everyone else was doing the poses with ease, and I was a pose behind with sweat dripping down my face.
Fears are made to protect us, and usually they are doing so unnecessarily. When we give into a fear, it accidentally holds us captive from being present and enjoying life. Getting binge eating help and challenging my fear, in staying on my mat – especially when it was hard and bringing up tough emotions – I was challenging all the beliefs inside of me that tell me to run and not take risks.
About half way through the class my fears dissipated, I accepted that I was new to this class and not going to be mastering it in the next 30 minutes and simply rolled with it. I took a deep breath and appreciated my bravery, my best friend standing next to me, and the luxury of doing a yoga class on a Sunday. And, I thought at least I’d have a nice Beacon Buzz story to share with you. #lemonadeoutoflemons #grateful
I’m going back to the yoga class again today. I don’t want to simply survive my fear, I want to thrive. I want to challenge my “not enoughs” not by the skin of my teeth, but with dignity – and going to this class that challenges all of my insecurities again is the way to get there. Not giving up because it is hard and uncomfortable. Doing the opposite, taking brave action, and staying on my mat. That’s how we get self-esteem; that’s how we redefine ourselves and prepare for our big beautiful lives.
Getting binge eating help starts with one action.
Changing how you feel about yourself – living in integrity – being brave – are one action away for all of us. And the more we do it, the more we believe it and the more we can live it. What can you do this week to stay on your mat? What are you struggling with or running away from that you can turn to and persevere through?